Muslim Parenting

“Because We Are Beautiful” is a short documentary about young Muslimahs at the University of Kansas. The young women come from diverse ethnic backgrounds and have various approaches to Islam. Several of the young sisters are hijabis, others are not. In the film they talk about their growing up experiences, the challenges of university (including those created by an often not-so-halal environment), parental expectations, etc.

A really interesting look at Muslim young people.

**1/2 out of ****

I was excited when I first came across this magazine. Finally, a magazine geared towards Muslim girls - insha’Allah a publication with which they could identify and through which they could be inspired.

I applaud the effort, but so far, I don’t think that Muslim Girl lives up to its promise. I keep hoping and praying (insha’Allah) that it will - as unlike a book, it is possible for a magazine to reinvent itself in every issue - because our girls could really benefit from a good magazine just for them.

Good things

Here’s what I think Muslim Girl magazine gets right:

• Makes an effort to find exemplars/role models for girls from the Muslim community. Sisters who have interesting and meaningful careers, are involved in philanthropic work, have been blessed with artistic or literary talents.
• Profiles Muslim girls who are doing interesting things - as individuals or as groups.
• Follows a familiar magazine format

What I didn’t like

• The majority of the sisters featured in the magazine are non-hijabis. While I know that most Muslim women, especially in the US don’t cover, I would like to see the magazine make more of an effort to seek out those who do so that

1. - It could normalize hijab-wearing for Muslims and non-Muslims. Seeing a glossy American magazine full of positive profiles and images of hijabis would help do that for many people. Mind you, I think covering is an individual choice and like to see non-hijabi sisters acknowledged as well.
2. - It is really young muhajabas who need the support of seeing themselves in media outside of negative news coverage on the Middle East

Instead it’s a bit as if Muslim Girl’s staff thinks of hijab as a cultural marker or fashion statement rather than a choice of faith. Something we’ve moved past.

• The clothing in the fashion section tends toward the immodest. Think, sister in headscarf but skin-tight pants and shirt. I would like to see more tunics, long skirts, fluid pants and dresses and even jelbabs and abayas here.

Okay, I’ll pause here to say that looking through it, I am not sure about the magazine’s message or its target audience. And I wonder about who is behind the magazine. Are Muslims at the helm, or is the publication an attempt by non-Muslims or non-religious Muslims to tap into a so far untapped market?

• I would like to see more Muslim-produced/marketed products, both in terms of the magazine’s advertising and in terms of the products it chooses to profile and feature in its beauty and fashion sections. Where is Shukr Clothing, Muslim Gear, Crescent Moon Boutique and so many others?

• The magazine treats “Muslim” like a superficial ethnic designation and not as a living faith. So, it will profile, for exmaple, Asma Rasheed because she has an Arabic name and comes from a Muslim family, but never really ask her about her faith or how it influences her life. It’s good enough that she would check off “Muslim” on a form that asked about her religion. In similar vein, there is little about Muslimahs whose central focus in life is Islam and whose vocations and community work were chosen to fit their lives in Islam.

• It’s great that Muslim Girl shows our girls women who are succeeding in difficult or unusual fields - but then I expect the magazine to go further and have them talk about how their faith informs their work, if there are any day to day challenges to being Muslim and holding that job (for example, finding time to pray), etc.

• Too much space given to conventional, pop culture that 1) Muslim girls can get from any other magazine and that 2) many of us parents are trying to keep out of the home. I have zero interest in having my girls read about “Gilmore Girls,” “24,”"Harry Potter” (many Muslim parents would especially cringe at that one) or other such pop culture drivel.

• I’d rather the magazine talked to nasheed artists, featured good books (more than television or movies), maybe even covering halal things that teens outside North America are doing for fun. Instead we get the Disney, Warner, view of things.
• Muslim Girl - be brave enough to set trends instead of being a follower. Perhaps you did some polling of young Muslim girls and found that most of them are into the same things that their non-Muslim peers are. Well and good, but then make it part of your mandate to introduce them to some new things and encourage them to think a little bit more.
• Oprah’s booklist had an amazing impact on the publishing industry and on American women’s reading habits. These major changes could never have happened if Oprah had simply said, “You know, my audience just reads mysteries and romance novels, they won’t be interested in anything else.” In fact, she got women who weren’t used to difficult reading to challenge themselves with books like “Beloved.”
• If our girls are only interested in the mall, iTunes and makeup then I want a Muslim girls’ magazines that will challenge that and present alternatives.

In writing this review, I looked around for Christian girls and women’s magazines and found several that seem to be doing a better job of creating reading imbued with faith than Muslim Girl is so far doing.

I ask the publishers of Muslim Girl to look at Azizah , al-Jumuah and Emel magazines for inspiration.

At this point, I would not let my daughter read Muslim Girl without reading the issue first and then may still have to set it aside. We do so much in our home to try to encourage good values and focus on meaningfulness (not to mention keep out conventional consumerist influences) that we would be stupid to serve up fluff (like the current Muslim Girl) to our daughters.

Insha’Allah, Muslim Girl will improve. I will keep watching.

The Islam and Infertility website is a comprehensive guide aimed at helping Muslim couples struggling with conceiving a child.

The website authors write,”In many Muslim communities it is often considered a taboo to discuss the topic of infertility openly. Although 1 in 12 couples face infertility problems when trying to conceive a child. And while in many cultures the woman is blamed and shunned by the community, we inshallah would like to shed some light on the situation, in hopes that women will no longer feel ashamed in such an ordeal. It is hard enough for a woman who has difficulty conceiving, having a natural desire to feel a child grow in her womb, to have to deal with cultural ignorances as well.”

The site touches on all sorts of topics relevant to couples dealing with infertility, including pregnancy in the Qur’an, miscarriage, multifetal pregnancy reduction, surrogacy, latest conception drugs and technologies, adoption, masturbation (in order to secure sperm samples) and much more.

Each topic is looked at in light of the Qur’an and Sunnah - ayat and hadiths are cited and various scholarly rulings presented.

The site is rounded out by a recommended reading list and access to a fertility discussion list for muslimahs.

Truly an invaluable resource for Muslim families dealing with this issue.

Great lists from Umm Zaid’s Domestic Tranquilty (muslima blog). She shares her wisdom for preparing for pregnancy and labor here and here (really good advice on what to get for nursing baby).

As I am fast approaching my due date (insha’Allah) one of my friends threw a baby shower for me. Not being materialistic/consumerists sorts my husband and I felt it really important that it not be an occasion for which the sisters felt they needed to shop. We have either bought or gotten the [hand-me-down] things we need, alhamdullilah from friends anyway.

So, I asked the sisters to instead of bringing a physical gift to bring duas and advice instead. Alhamdullilah, this worked out really well. We had a great afternoon of sisters-only conversation, fellowship, food and fun.

We ended up sitting in a circle as one by one the sisters (starting with the sisters with the oldest kids and then moving down) talked about their experiences as mothers, gave advice and offered duas that had helped them through labor or difficult times.

I felt truly honored and supported and insha’Allah will be able to use the advice they gave. I also noticed that as we talked several of the sisters’ teenage daughters were listening intently from the edges of the circle. This was nice to see, as I guessed our comments would provide some insight for them as young women on being a Muslim wife and mother.

Some surahs suggested by the sisters at my shower:

Surah Maryam

Surah Yusuf - One sister suggested reciting or reading it in translation over three fruits that you later eat. She said she had been given this idea by an older sister and later did some reading about the possibility of objects becoming imprinted with energy - in this case, the potent energy of the Qur’an

Several sisters talked of the usefulness of having my husband read Qur’an or make dua during the labor. Not always that well understood by the hospital staff [mercifully, we’re planning a home birth, insha’Allah], according to one sister who said that her sister’s husband had been told to stop reading from his ‘book’ and help when he was reading aloud to her sister from the Qur’an. I guess it escaped the staff that reading from a ‘book’ could be a help to anyone…

Also mentioned - reading aloud from Qur’an to the baby (and playing the recitation on tape/CD) and setting aside time each day to read from Qur’an.

“…whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan (note: Satan) and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing” 2.256

First posted on July 19, 2006

Big news out of Britain this week: A new bill that would support the rights of mothers to breastfeed their babies has been put forward. This is wonderful news as there has been a bit of a war on in recent years with breastfeeding Mums routinely being asked to leave restaurants, stores and other public places while mothers bottlefeedings were unmolested. Under the bill businesses who harass nursing Mums could be fined thousands of pounds.

While I think it’s important to be discreet when feeding baby, I do think the whole world should be available for doing so. It is a baby’s right, is better for baby and increasingly they are proving for mothers as well. Alhamdullilah - insha’Allah the bill will pass.

It’s already passed in Scotland.

Here Umm Zaid of Modernmuslima.com gives a detailed explanation of the merits of breastfeeding and even covers its mention in the Qur’an and praying while breastfeeding.

Worth a read, especially if you are pregnant and are deciding between feeding your baby naturally or feeding her with a bottle.

First posted on August 6, 2006.

We all know that being a mother can be quite a responsibility and indeed burden - this is acknowledged several times in the Qur’an. But as Hesham Hassaballa spotlights in his article, “The Difficulties of Being A Muslim Dad,” that Muslim fathers also shoulder [if they step up to the tasks] weighty obligations.

He writes,“As a Muslim father, I must shoulder an enormous responsibility, both fiscal and religious, and this responsibility is first encountered before I even have any children at all.” You can view the full article here.

First posted on August 14, 2006.

There have been a number of well-publicized cases in Quebec, Canada recently involving Muslim hijabi girls who had been denied the right to participate in their chosen sports because they wanted to do so while wearing their headscarves.

Alhamdullilah, most hijabis won’t face such overt prejudice and blocks to taking part in sports. But the lack of role models in this area may be just as disheartening.

With that in mind, I was blown away when I came across this Iranian Women’s Sports Federation video. While I could have done without the heavy nationalism, it was wonderful to see women competing fully in modest dress.  I for, one had never seen so many hijabis competing before and in in what form!

To be fair, it’s obvious that some sports are more suited to hijabis than others. I felt rather sorry for the female runners, for example and saw no swimmers or divers (though I do know that Iran sponsors an all-women’s games that may feature these sports).  On the plus side, martial arts stands out, as a hijabi sport and Iran is well known for its female archers. At any rate, the video is remarkable for showing that the muhajaba sisters can at least compete in most sports.

Insha’Allah, an inspirational clip for our daughters who cover.

It used to be that there was little that you could do to lessen stretch marks. They were just the badge of motherhood. But now there are a range of products that do a good job of fading and minimizing all kinds of scars (including stretch marks and Cesaerean scars). They work best on newer scars but still have an effect on stretch marks or scars that you have had for awhile.

You can also use these remedies on kids’ scars.

Silicone strips and sheets

These are gel-like strips and rectangular sheets or resemble Bandaids. They can flatten and normalize the color of a scar over a number of weeks or months.

The packages don’t explain what the mechanism behind them is, so I can’t share that. Though, from what I’ve read it seems that when you cover a scar as with a bandaid or silicone strip (particularly a newer one) you increase your chances of having it shrink.

I can say that I have used this method with success on the vaccination scar on my arm, which I’d had since an infant. The scar did shrink, flatten out and turn a more normal color.

I’m a bit hesistant to use the silicone strips now, because I don’t like the thought of the silicone possibly being absorbed by my skin and accumulating in my body (again the manufacturers don’t tell you how the strips work) - but do know that in a pinch, this is a very effective method for lessening a scar (and I would guess that subcategory of scar, the stretchmark).

Onion skin deriviative gels and creams

The most commonly known brand here is Mederma, though I buy the generic /store brand. You apply the gel or cream several times a day over a period of several weeks before you can expect to see significant results,though I have seen improvement in less time than that.

What I do not like about these gels/creams is that besides their active ingredient (the onion skin extract) they usually include a lot of junk besides. I’m usually quite dilligent about selecting cosmetics and toiletries that include ingredients that God (swt) has directly blessed us with, so I’m not happy with an ingredient list that includes chemicals like phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, disodium EDTA, etc. As I breastfeed my daughter, these are a no-no for me. But, if you don’t have these concerns, the onion extract creams can be very effective.

Apparently, it is possible to use actual onion skin (the papery, silvery outer skin; not the thick inner layers) to treat scars as well. You can read more about that here.

High potency vitamin E cream, gels or oils

You may see some success with vitamin E supplement capsules but they won’t be as effective as a high potency (12,000 IU, 20,000 IU, etc.) cosmetic grade cream, gel or oil. I chose a cream from Derma-e because I recognized most of its ingredients.

Essential Oils

There are a number of essential oils that are supposed to help normalize skin. On the list are neroli/bitter orange, ylang-ylang, jasmine, orange, grapefruit, helichrysum (this is supposed to be extremely effective but I’ve been unable to find it at any of the stores in my area), rose and lavender. There are, of course, others, but this is a short list. To use, you’d mix a few drops of these oils with a “carrier” oil such as jojoba, almond or coconut and apply as often as possible.

Other Oils

Rosa mosqueta (also known as rosehip oil), borage seed and evening primrose, all of which contain high levels of essential fatty acids, all got top marks in terms of their ability to reduce stretch marks. The rosa mosqueta oil has to be kept refrigerated after opening, so I haven’t found it as convenient to use as some other remedies, as I can’t keep it with my other toiletries and I have to remember to fish it out of the fridge to use it.

Other remedies

I’ve also read of success with fresh aloe vera pulp (you may have aloe as a houseplant chez vous and so could just harvest a leaf), and with calendula oil, gels and creams.

And then there are the tried and true - cocoa butter, olive oil and traditional for some, new to others shea butter.

Something else I’ve read about is keeping the stretch marked area bandaged so that the skin underneath is kept constantly clammy (you know, that Band-Aid effect). This is supposed to encourage the development of new skin in the area. I don’t know whether it works or not, but may give it a try.

In Due Time

One thing that the references I read underscored is that most stretchmarks will vanish or lessen in appearance on their own in time anyway (alhamdullilah). So, at best the remedies I’ve mentioned may just speed things along.

**Please note that my mention of certain brands isn’t necessarily an endorsement. I think that cosmetics/toiletries are usually parity products, so I think it’s important to shop around, read labels and then go for the product that works best for you in terms of price and ingredients.

First posted in July 2006.