Muslim Parenting

“Because We Are Beautiful” is a short documentary about young Muslimahs at the University of Kansas. The young women come from diverse ethnic backgrounds and have various approaches to Islam. Several of the young sisters are hijabis, others are not. In the film they talk about their growing up experiences, the challenges of university (including those created by an often not-so-halal environment), parental expectations, etc.

A really interesting look at Muslim young people.

The following is a talk given at Masjid Omar al-Farouk in Orange County, California (USA). The speaker is Br. Shareef el-Arbi, a community youth leader. Br. Shareef speaks about his experiences growing up in the US, as well as what he has come to know from the youth he works with. The talk is fairly frank about the issues Muslim teens face and mash’Allah is also filled with guidelines for parents (with examples from the sunnah and Qur’an). Good, inspiring and cautionary video for Muslims raising children in the West.

**1/2 out of ****

I was excited when I first came across this magazine. Finally, a magazine geared towards Muslim girls - insha’Allah a publication with which they could identify and through which they could be inspired.

I applaud the effort, but so far, I don’t think that Muslim Girl lives up to its promise. I keep hoping and praying (insha’Allah) that it will - as unlike a book, it is possible for a magazine to reinvent itself in every issue - because our girls could really benefit from a good magazine just for them.

Good things

Here’s what I think Muslim Girl magazine gets right:

• Makes an effort to find exemplars/role models for girls from the Muslim community. Sisters who have interesting and meaningful careers, are involved in philanthropic work, have been blessed with artistic or literary talents.
• Profiles Muslim girls who are doing interesting things - as individuals or as groups.
• Follows a familiar magazine format

What I didn’t like

• The majority of the sisters featured in the magazine are non-hijabis. While I know that most Muslim women, especially in the US don’t cover, I would like to see the magazine make more of an effort to seek out those who do so that

1. - It could normalize hijab-wearing for Muslims and non-Muslims. Seeing a glossy American magazine full of positive profiles and images of hijabis would help do that for many people. Mind you, I think covering is an individual choice and like to see non-hijabi sisters acknowledged as well.
2. - It is really young muhajabas who need the support of seeing themselves in media outside of negative news coverage on the Middle East

Instead it’s a bit as if Muslim Girl’s staff thinks of hijab as a cultural marker or fashion statement rather than a choice of faith. Something we’ve moved past.

• The clothing in the fashion section tends toward the immodest. Think, sister in headscarf but skin-tight pants and shirt. I would like to see more tunics, long skirts, fluid pants and dresses and even jelbabs and abayas here.

Okay, I’ll pause here to say that looking through it, I am not sure about the magazine’s message or its target audience. And I wonder about who is behind the magazine. Are Muslims at the helm, or is the publication an attempt by non-Muslims or non-religious Muslims to tap into a so far untapped market?

• I would like to see more Muslim-produced/marketed products, both in terms of the magazine’s advertising and in terms of the products it chooses to profile and feature in its beauty and fashion sections. Where is Shukr Clothing, Muslim Gear, Crescent Moon Boutique and so many others?

• The magazine treats “Muslim” like a superficial ethnic designation and not as a living faith. So, it will profile, for exmaple, Asma Rasheed because she has an Arabic name and comes from a Muslim family, but never really ask her about her faith or how it influences her life. It’s good enough that she would check off “Muslim” on a form that asked about her religion. In similar vein, there is little about Muslimahs whose central focus in life is Islam and whose vocations and community work were chosen to fit their lives in Islam.

• It’s great that Muslim Girl shows our girls women who are succeeding in difficult or unusual fields - but then I expect the magazine to go further and have them talk about how their faith informs their work, if there are any day to day challenges to being Muslim and holding that job (for example, finding time to pray), etc.

• Too much space given to conventional, pop culture that 1) Muslim girls can get from any other magazine and that 2) many of us parents are trying to keep out of the home. I have zero interest in having my girls read about “Gilmore Girls,” “24,”"Harry Potter” (many Muslim parents would especially cringe at that one) or other such pop culture drivel.

• I’d rather the magazine talked to nasheed artists, featured good books (more than television or movies), maybe even covering halal things that teens outside North America are doing for fun. Instead we get the Disney, Warner, view of things.
• Muslim Girl - be brave enough to set trends instead of being a follower. Perhaps you did some polling of young Muslim girls and found that most of them are into the same things that their non-Muslim peers are. Well and good, but then make it part of your mandate to introduce them to some new things and encourage them to think a little bit more.
• Oprah’s booklist had an amazing impact on the publishing industry and on American women’s reading habits. These major changes could never have happened if Oprah had simply said, “You know, my audience just reads mysteries and romance novels, they won’t be interested in anything else.” In fact, she got women who weren’t used to difficult reading to challenge themselves with books like “Beloved.”
• If our girls are only interested in the mall, iTunes and makeup then I want a Muslim girls’ magazines that will challenge that and present alternatives.

In writing this review, I looked around for Christian girls and women’s magazines and found several that seem to be doing a better job of creating reading imbued with faith than Muslim Girl is so far doing.

I ask the publishers of Muslim Girl to look at Azizah , al-Jumuah and Emel magazines for inspiration.

At this point, I would not let my daughter read Muslim Girl without reading the issue first and then may still have to set it aside. We do so much in our home to try to encourage good values and focus on meaningfulness (not to mention keep out conventional consumerist influences) that we would be stupid to serve up fluff (like the current Muslim Girl) to our daughters.

Insha’Allah, Muslim Girl will improve. I will keep watching.

The Muslim American Society Youth Center in Raleigh, North Carolina lists its priorities for its work with Muslim youth as follows:

1- Islamic Education (Comprehensive, practical and authentic)

2- Spiritual Development (Uplifting, sunnah based, and life changing)

3- Outreach / Dawah (Engaging, Integrating, and Implementing Islam)

To those ends, they host regular youth group activities, such as sports and field trips, youth halaqahs and itikafs and provide many other forms of youth outreach.

Click here to view photos of their activities.

You can contact the center, insha’Allah, through its website.

The following is a promo video for The Muslim American Society’s programs in Tampa, Florida. The video highlights their youth programs and youth center.

Click here for photos of the youth program in action.

Muslim American Society Tampa

12226 56th Street
Tampa, FL 33617
Phone: 813-899-2267

Okay, so An American Family’s Blog, is quite different from the other Muslim parents and family blogs I usually read for this site. It is the brainchild of Hijabman of Muslim t-shirt fame.

It seems that he is part of a very tight-knit “eight-person American [Okay, so we have one Brit…]Muslim family.” Hijabman’s family includes, his parents, sisters, brother and their spouses and children.

The family seems to spend a lot of time together - it’s almost as if they live in a joint household, though I know from their posts that they just live near one another.

They have been careful on the blog not to reveal too much. You don’t know where they live and you don’t see any of the adults’ faces, though you do hear their voices and sometimes see their feet.

The posts (especially the video posts) are all fairly off-beat: they talk about lotas (Urdu/Hindi name for waterpot used in the bathroom), mayhem in Karachi and Palestine, chocolate and all sorts of other topics. Remember that, in theory, there are eight very different family members contributing to this blog.

Hijabman, the impetus behind An American Family’s Blog, is himself unmarried and not a parent, but don’t let that stop you from at least checking out this Muslim family’s blog.

Perhaps, like his sisters you have some advice to offer him on finding a wife or even have a special someone in mind, so that he can too can join the parenting ranks. LOL.

The Times (London) reported last week that Muhammad is now the second most popular baby name in Britain.

“Muhammad is now second only to Jack as the most popular name for baby boys in Britain and is likely to rise to No 1 by next year, a study by The Times has found. The name, if all 14 different spellings are included, was shared by 5,991 newborn boys last year, beating Thomas into third place, followed by Joshua and Oliver.”

Demographics are driving the name’s popularity. The Times reports that “Overall, Muslims account for 3 per cent of the British population, about 1.5 million people. However, the Muslim birthrate is roughly three times higher than the non-Muslim one.”

You can access the full article here.

Tackling your children’s questions about being Muslim and therefore “different” if you live in a non-Muslim country can be really daunting. Especially when their self-awareness of being Muslim comes with awkwardness and maybe even shame around “not fitting in.”

Sr. Tasmiya who lives in Brisbane, Australia, had to confront just such a dilemma early on with her five year old son. She writes:
‘Yesterday we managed to get ourselves organised enough to be EARLY for school. We decided to head over to the library where 5 year old could drool over his favourite science book.

As we walked towards the library we passed one of 5 year old’s classmates. The two boys greeted each other in that 5 year old way - awkward wave and mumbled hellos and all without any eye contact.

I asked 5 year old if he would like to invite his friend to the library. Without hesitation he whispered, “No, mummy. He doesn’t know about the scarf…oh maybe he does know about it..no, no I don’t think he does.”

I was floored. Could my son actually be embarrassed about my scarf?’

You can read more of what she had to write about this crisis with her son and also view the many interesting responses she received from other Muslim parents on how to deal with the situation here.

To summarize these comments (coming from several different Muslim perspectives):

- Make sure to instill a sense of confidence in being Muslim in your child

- Point out that outside of where you live, there are large areas of the world where most people are Muslim. In other words: “You are not an anomaly.”

- Emphasize similarities between Muslims and non-Muslims

- Make an effort to explain the reasons behind why Muslims do things differently. Explain as much as you
can.

- Instead of just framing non-Muslims and Muslims as being “different” from one another, emphasize the concepts of right and wrong, stressing the Muslim way as the right way.

- Encourage your children’s friendships with other Muslim children and discourage their friendships with non-Muslim children

- Ask your children about what they are thinking as regards their Muslim identity, especially when they make a comment like the one Tasmiya’s son did. Find out just what he meant by it. Otherwise, you may be jumping to a conclusion not intended by your child and/or your response may not best serve her needs.

- Be proactive. As part of developing a strong Muslim identity encourage your children to give dawah - in the form of telling others at school about Muslim holidays, for example. This reinforces the idea that they have something valuable to share with others and are not simply passively comparing their lives with those of the non-Muslim children they encounter.

First posted in August 2006.