Jun 24 2007
Teenage Marriage
My husband and I ended up talking a lot about the suggestion presented by Soundvision that parents should encourage their teens to marry in order to safeguard them and their faith.
Again, it may be our cultural bias, but we are having trouble thinking positively about this suggestion.
The divorce rates among Muslims in the West are already very high.
It seems that there can be so much difference even between someone at 16 and that same person at 25. How does early marriage accomodate these changes? How does it inhibit or facilitate growth and maturity?
I think that the article writers may not be suggesting that 16 year olds set up house together. Instead maybe the vision is of married teens living with their respective parents, continuing their studies and benefitting from parental guidance and support.
But then, I thought, are these teens really growing as a married couple, or just continuing to live as children with few responsibilities of their own?
What happens if children come into the picture? Will they become Mummy and Daddy’s responsibility as well?
Also, what happens if the person our daughter liked or who we thought well-suited to her at age 16 is a very different person; one who is less compatible with her at age 26? I know that I don’t want a “starter marriage” for my daughter.
While no one wants their children to sin, is early marriage the only way to prevent pre-marital relations?
These are all questions we asked and for which we have no definitive answers.
I was thinking, however, that one important element in all of this is preparing children adequately to wait, if wait they must.
Making sure that sex and romance are at once explained and in a sense demystified. That they know what Muslim parents expect of them and why. And also importantly know what can happen when the straight path isn’t followed. Having some sort of timeline may also help. It is easier to wait for something when you know when the waiting will end.
Asalaamu alaikum,
Boy, what a topic! I wonder about this one too. I am a convert, with young daughters. I have been through the american school system and all of the temptations (as a non-muslim). Somehow we have to give our children the tools, responsibilities, and guidance to get through all of it. Marrying early might be good, but how early? I can’t imagine a non-muslim or muslim in this country holding out til they are done with a Masters and have a down payment on a house (or in their 30’s let’s say). from 15-25 yrs I did a lot of growing and maturing (which might have come sooner if I were Muslim and had guidance). So too young may be too young for the responsibilities and compromises of marriage. Depends on the kids and the parents. I think I’d be willing to help my daughters and son-in-law, if they married early while in college, with a place to live, or help, with clear expectations set out for them to become independent once school is done. It must be hard to get through college as a muslim, I imagine, which is why I might say early marriage is good. First I’d rather try instilling the importance of their religion and responsibilities as a Muslim, not to mention their dignities and self-respect—and see how long that will hold them. I have also heard that having a lot of muslim family around and being active with extended family (or friends) help get teens through the rough spots, probably by giving them a sense of self and pride in being muslim…? Must talk to my muslim born friends further…
Aischa
Wa alaikum salaam,
Yes, I think this ‘topic’ will definitely take much more thought and prayer.