Muslim Parenting

My husband and I ended up talking a lot about the suggestion presented by Soundvision that parents should encourage their teens to marry in order to safeguard them and their faith.

Again, it may be our cultural bias, but we are having trouble thinking positively about this suggestion.

The divorce rates among Muslims in the West are already very high.

It seems that there can be so much difference even between someone at 16 and that same person at 25. How does early marriage accomodate these changes? How does it inhibit or facilitate growth and maturity?

I think that the article writers may not be suggesting that 16 year olds set up house together. Instead maybe the vision is of married teens living with their respective parents, continuing their studies and benefitting from parental guidance and support.

But then, I thought, are these teens really growing as a married couple, or just continuing to live as children with few responsibilities of their own?

What happens if children come into the picture? Will they become Mummy and Daddy’s responsibility as well?

Also, what happens if the person our daughter liked or who we thought well-suited to her at age 16 is a very different person; one who is less compatible with her at age 26? I know that I don’t want a “starter marriage” for my daughter.

While no one wants their children to sin, is early marriage the only way to prevent pre-marital relations?

These are all questions we asked and for which we have no definitive answers.

I was thinking, however, that one important element in all of this is preparing children adequately to wait, if wait they must.

Making sure that sex and romance are at once explained and in a sense demystified. That they know what Muslim parents expect of them and why. And also importantly know what can happen when the straight path isn’t followed. Having some sort of timeline may also help. It is easier to wait for something when you know when the waiting will end.

MashAllah! Soundvision offers a really great list of tips for Muslim parents of teenagers on supporting their children in growing into good Muslim adults.

Some of the tips focus on increasing family time and fortifying ourselves first as a way of strengthening our parenting. Other tips, like ‘building’ a masjid in your home, dating your teenager, and having a halal fun day once a month are pretty innovative.

The article suggests that we marry our teenagers early - I think the assumption here is that although married the couple may continue living with their respective parents and keep going with their studies. This is culturally foreign to me - but may well be a good strategy if well thought out and managed.

Anyway, teens can be exasperating and full of novel ideas as the Soundvision article is, it is worth a read.

The Islam and Infertility website is a comprehensive guide aimed at helping Muslim couples struggling with conceiving a child.

The website authors write,”In many Muslim communities it is often considered a taboo to discuss the topic of infertility openly. Although 1 in 12 couples face infertility problems when trying to conceive a child. And while in many cultures the woman is blamed and shunned by the community, we inshallah would like to shed some light on the situation, in hopes that women will no longer feel ashamed in such an ordeal. It is hard enough for a woman who has difficulty conceiving, having a natural desire to feel a child grow in her womb, to have to deal with cultural ignorances as well.”

The site touches on all sorts of topics relevant to couples dealing with infertility, including pregnancy in the Qur’an, miscarriage, multifetal pregnancy reduction, surrogacy, latest conception drugs and technologies, adoption, masturbation (in order to secure sperm samples) and much more.

Each topic is looked at in light of the Qur’an and Sunnah - ayat and hadiths are cited and various scholarly rulings presented.

The site is rounded out by a recommended reading list and access to a fertility discussion list for muslimahs.

Truly an invaluable resource for Muslim families dealing with this issue.

Mash’Allah! Today my 9-month old did sajda. She’d done it yesterday as well, but I thought I was seeing things. Today it was confirmed.

She crawls around nearby as I pray salat and I usually say it audibly so that she can benefit. Today I noticed that as I went down for sajda, so did she (though with her whole head, arms and torso touching the floor). And when I said allahuakbar for ruku she also did sajda.

Pretty funny to see a small baby, who does not even walk or talk yet, imitating me in prayer. Made me realize how important it is to stay steadfast in prayer and let my children see this.

Okay, so An American Family’s Blog, is quite different from the other Muslim parents and family blogs I usually read for this site. It is the brainchild of Hijabman of Muslim t-shirt fame.

It seems that he is part of a very tight-knit “eight-person American [Okay, so we have one Brit…]Muslim family.” Hijabman’s family includes, his parents, sisters, brother and their spouses and children.

The family seems to spend a lot of time together - it’s almost as if they live in a joint household, though I know from their posts that they just live near one another.

They have been careful on the blog not to reveal too much. You don’t know where they live and you don’t see any of the adults’ faces, though you do hear their voices and sometimes see their feet.

The posts (especially the video posts) are all fairly off-beat: they talk about lotas (Urdu/Hindi name for waterpot used in the bathroom), mayhem in Karachi and Palestine, chocolate and all sorts of other topics. Remember that, in theory, there are eight very different family members contributing to this blog.

Hijabman, the impetus behind An American Family’s Blog, is himself unmarried and not a parent, but don’t let that stop you from at least checking out this Muslim family’s blog.

Perhaps, like his sisters you have some advice to offer him on finding a wife or even have a special someone in mind, so that he can too can join the parenting ranks. LOL.

Great lists from Umm Zaid’s Domestic Tranquilty (muslima blog). She shares her wisdom for preparing for pregnancy and labor here and here (really good advice on what to get for nursing baby).

These come from Kristie Karima Burn’s Islamic Waldorf School Online website and use the tunes to popular nursery rhymes to teach the basics of Islam - alhamdullilah!:

THE FIVE PRAYERS by Karima Burns

(sung to the tune of ‘Five Little Ducks’)

Five Muslim Prayers I’ll pray today.

As Muslims we pray five times a day.

Before I pray I do wudu

Before the sun rises I’ll pray Fajr with you.

Four more Muslim prayers I’ll pray today.

As Muslims we pray five times a day.

Before I pray I do Wudu.

Near lunch time I’ll pray Duhr with you.

Three more Muslim Prayers I’ll pray today.

As Muslims we pray five times a day.

Before I pray I do Wudu

In the Afternoon I’ll pray Asr with you.

Two more Muslim prayers I’ll pray today

As Muslims we pray five times a day.

Before I pray I do Wudu.

And at sunset I’ll pray Maghreb with you.

One more Muslim prayer I’ll pray today

As Muslims we pray five times a day.

Before I pray I’ll do Wudu

And at night I’ll pray Eisha with you!

WE’RE MAKING AN IFTAR CAKE Modified by Karima Burns
(to the tune of “The Farmer’s in the Dell”)

We’re making an Iftar cake, we’re making an Iftar cake;
We’re going to make it really big,
Because we’ve all been fasting.

Flour in the bowl, flour in the bowl;
Stir it with a great big spoon,
Flour in the bowl.

continue with other ingredients: sugar, salt,
dates, butter, etc.

Put it in the oven, put it in the oven;
Until it’s nicely cooked.

Alhamdullilah!

Icing on the top, icing on the top;
Spread it with a big, flat knife,
Bisimillah!

Bisimillah, we all have a piece;
Some for you and some for me,
Alhamdullilah!

And now it’s all gone, and now it’s all gone;
Yumm it was very good,
Alhamdullilah

DATES FOR IFTAR By Karima Burns

One date, two dates,
Three dates, four;
We Break our Fast with Dates,
But can I please have some more?

FIVE PILLARS HAS ISLAM by Karima Burns
(to the tune of Old Macdonald Had a Farm)

Five Pillars has Islam.

The first pillar is Shaahada.

La ilaha Ilallah

Wa Muhammedan Rasuulallah

Five pillars has Islam

The second one is to pray

Muslims pray five times a day

Each and every day.

Five pillars has Islam

The third pillar is zakat

Zakat Means to give Alms
We All give Zakat

Five pillars has Islam

The fourth one is Siyam

Siyam means to fast

The month of Ramadan.

Five pillars has Islam

The fifth one is the Hajj

Hajj means to make pilgrimage

to Mecca.

First posted on July 18, 2006

Before becoming a mother I never thought about or imagined that I would be spattered with and cleaning up urine (and that other stuff) so much.

But really every body fluid is represented. Often my husband and I have mused that if a crime scene team were to come to our house they would find traces of pee everywhere throughout the house (even though we’ve cleaned).

What does that mean for cleanliness for prayer?

I have not found any hadiths specifically related to breaking wudu by tending to one’s child (if someone knows of one please send it in), but did find several that indicated that if children soil you it is enough to wash the area on which they urinated with water.

This makes sense since Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his companions could not always count on having several garments into which they could change because a baby peed on them.

I’m not sure what they did for baby fecal spills. Again, if you do know, please comment.

Here are the hadiths I found (all from Bukhari) pertaining to children’s urine on one’s clothing:

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 31:

Narrated ‘Aisha:

The Prophet took a child in his lap for Tahnik (i.e. he chewed a date in his mouth and put its juice in the mouth of the child). The child urinated on him, so he asked for water and poured it over the place of the urine.

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 222:

Narrated ‘Aisha:

A child was brought to Allah’s Apostle and it urinated on the garment of the Prophet. The Prophet asked for water and poured it over the soiled place.

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 223:

Narrated Um Qais bint Mihsin:

I brought my young son, who had not started eating (ordinary food) to Allah’s Apostle who took him and made him sit in his lap. The child urinated on the garment of the Prophet, so he asked for water and poured it over the soiled (area) and did not wash it.

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 227:

Narrated Asma’:

A woman came to the Prophet and said, “If anyone of us gets menses in her clothes then what should she do?” He replied, “She should (take hold of the soiled place), rub it and put it in the water and rub it in order to remove the traces of blood and then pour water over it. Then she can pray in it.”

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 223:

Narrated Um Qais bint Mihsin:

I brought my young son, who had not started eating (ordinary food) to Allah’s Apostle who took him and made him sit in his lap. The child urinated on the garment of the Prophet, so he asked for water and poured it over the soiled (area) and did not wash it.

English Translation of the Qur’an read by JD Hall

My rating: ****

JD Hall is an African-American actor, known as “The Voice” because of his extensive voice work. He is also a practicing Muslim and Imam. Here he has turned his attention and skills to reading an English translation of the Qur’an and the result is brilliant.

His voice is deep and resonant and unlike some translations I have listened to is used to great effect- expressing the emphasis and emotion for which the Qur’an calls.

I’m not sure which translation was used for this reading. However, it is a translation that uses modern, accessible language (no thous or thees here).

The translation is divided into 30 juz (a traditional division for Qur’an). This is my only issue with the translation since one surah comes pretty quickly after the next and it can be hard to figure out just which surah translation is being read. I find it easier listening when a translation or recitation is divided surah by surah - that way I don’t get lost. But maybe this way, insha’Allah, I’m forced to pay very close attention to what is being said.

I have not seen this translation for sale - but instead only for download on the Internet. You can find it at Aswat al Islam and at Islamicity.

JD Hall has also released a CD ‘Tawheed - The Oneness of God (Monotheistic Praise Songs Drawn from the Islamic, Jewish and Christian Tradition‘).

I found the message of the songs (lyrics) to be pretty squarely Islamic. The CD is heavy on percussion and synthesizer (I know that there are differing fatwa about whether this kind of audio is permissable) and features JD singing praises to God, describing Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his mission, tauheed, etc. The sound is a kind of folksy-bluesy rock.

The CD was not really to my personal taste, but I think it’s a commendable effort. I especially liked “R.U.A Believer” and “It Grieves My Soul.”

All of the CDs tracks can be previewed and it is available for sale at CDBaby.com.

First posted on July 25, 2006.

As I am fast approaching my due date (insha’Allah) one of my friends threw a baby shower for me. Not being materialistic/consumerists sorts my husband and I felt it really important that it not be an occasion for which the sisters felt they needed to shop. We have either bought or gotten the [hand-me-down] things we need, alhamdullilah from friends anyway.

So, I asked the sisters to instead of bringing a physical gift to bring duas and advice instead. Alhamdullilah, this worked out really well. We had a great afternoon of sisters-only conversation, fellowship, food and fun.

We ended up sitting in a circle as one by one the sisters (starting with the sisters with the oldest kids and then moving down) talked about their experiences as mothers, gave advice and offered duas that had helped them through labor or difficult times.

I felt truly honored and supported and insha’Allah will be able to use the advice they gave. I also noticed that as we talked several of the sisters’ teenage daughters were listening intently from the edges of the circle. This was nice to see, as I guessed our comments would provide some insight for them as young women on being a Muslim wife and mother.

Some surahs suggested by the sisters at my shower:

Surah Maryam

Surah Yusuf - One sister suggested reciting or reading it in translation over three fruits that you later eat. She said she had been given this idea by an older sister and later did some reading about the possibility of objects becoming imprinted with energy - in this case, the potent energy of the Qur’an

Several sisters talked of the usefulness of having my husband read Qur’an or make dua during the labor. Not always that well understood by the hospital staff [mercifully, we’re planning a home birth, insha’Allah], according to one sister who said that her sister’s husband had been told to stop reading from his ‘book’ and help when he was reading aloud to her sister from the Qur’an. I guess it escaped the staff that reading from a ‘book’ could be a help to anyone…

Also mentioned - reading aloud from Qur’an to the baby (and playing the recitation on tape/CD) and setting aside time each day to read from Qur’an.

“…whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan (note: Satan) and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing” 2.256

First posted on July 19, 2006